Yesterday I finally read the next chapter of Bethenny Frankel’s A Place of Yes and here are my thoughts (and sorry about the random change of tenses).
Find Your Truth was definitely a departure from Break the Chain, but there were some strong links between the two. Whereas Break the Chain focused on childhood, in Find Your Truth, Bethenny focused on the next stage of growing up: relationships, and even though she spoke mostly about her past relationships with boyfriends, I found that it was just as fitting for other types of relationships such as friendships.
What I found most intriguing about this chapter was the amount it made me really look inside myself and think about who I was, what I was really like and what I wanted.
What I found (though I think I already knew most of this) was that in some areas of my life I am not honest at all! especially in the areas of my life where I am personally concerned (i.e my thoughts, feelings and opinions), and sometimes if I have a problem with something or someone, the chances of me speaking up are ZERO (obviously it doesn’t help that my stammer prevents me from speaking because it’s just too much aggro, but then again I shouldn’t put this all down on my blasted speech impediment)! Other ways in which I’m not so honest, are times when I need to speak up about things that I like. For some strange reason I either feel embarrassed or ashamed (through my own self, you could say this is my noise [I’ll explain later]) but luckily this blog, twitter and tumblr has helped me become more honest with myself, my friend and being comfortable enough to speak up about the loves of my life (fashion, music, films, television) and just life in general. I also found that the reason for some of my dishonesty was my fear of ‘rocking the boat’ and not wanting to hurt the feelings of others (I absolutely HATE confrontation of any kind and try my best to avoid it at any cost); and also because I feel that perhaps I will be judged by others (but I realise now that most of this judgement comes from me).
However, I also found that in some areas of my life, I am very honest. For example, I’m not so good at being somebody that I’m not (i.e I’m not loud or very outgoing and despite my hardest efforts I can’t help but be honest about that in my everyday life) and is part of the reason why I didn’t get the permanent position at work. In some ways I’m an open book and I think it’s fair to say you can tell an AWFUL lot from my face.
I liked how the chapter encouraged me to look back at some moments in my life and see what truth I could take from it, again linking back to Break the Chain’s “take some and leave some” approach. Something else to note before I forget, finding your truth is not finding THE truth, because there is not just one truth. I think there are several truths depending on what stage of your life you are in, something that Bethenny also makes a point of. She explains how her truth now (or at least at the time A Place of Yes was written) is different to what her truth was when she was twenty or thirty – something that I think is also very important to remember.
While Bethenny talked mostly about her romances, I couldn’t help but think about my friendships. I’ve been through quite a few group of friends, and up until now, they never seemed to feel ‘right’. I either felt uncomfortable, unappreciated, taken for granted, unable to be open and to be myself fully, awkward, or I did my best to fuck them up (and believe me, I succeeded), leaving a trail of destruction, self-pity, loathing… (I think you get the idea). Similar to how Bethenny found Jason (number two), I too found my own Jason, in the form of Lex, Lauran and Beth. (I’d also like to say at this point that I’ve kept a few friends throughout my change of main friendship groups.) I don’t think I’ve ever felt more connected, loved, comfortable, truly appreciated and wanted, and just plain alicey, than I do with these guys! I also feel that we’re all putting in the same amount of effort (unlike in some past friendships where I’ve felt like I’ve had to do all the work. Of course I’m not saying that I never did anything wrong or trying to exempt myself. I understand that I was also partly to blame and that any kind of relationship requires everyone to make the effort and is a two-way street – something that Bethenny also made clear in her tales). I’ve taken the best bits from my past friendships and left the bad. I love these guys and I’m so glad that everything that happened the past did, otherwise I highly doubt that I would ever have met them! and even though we’ve only known each other for about a year, I feel as though we just get each other and I know we’ll be friends for a really long time; and even if we aren’t, I’ll the good with me into my next friendship (but NOBODY will ever compare to my fave gally’s :D).
Other small things I realised was that you should ALWAYS follow your gut (I know I’m guilty of never doing this!), and that sometimes it’s best to jump in with both feet, your eyes closed and just GO for it! I know that I can say I’ve done just this, and that it was probably one of the best decisions I’ve made, whilst simultaneously being one of the worst.
And of course there were some guy issues Bethenny spoke of that I could relate to (I mean who couldn’t?), but friendships was the main thing I held onto.
NB. Noise (according to Bethenny) is what gets in your way. It’s a self-generated obstacle, the negative talk inside your head that keeps you down, too afraid to go for what you want.
Let me know what you think. Have you read A Place of Yes? What are your thoughts? I can’t wait to get onto the next chapter, Act on It. Even though I’m feeling kind of tired and I’m working tomorrow, I think I’m going to settle down to Keanu Reeves and The Lake House before bed. Goodnight.